Sadly, conflicts and arguments are going to happen but the trick is that You and Your Partner Can Stay Close. No matter how in love you are or how kind you are each other, there will be disagreements along the way. Whilst they do not need to be huge arguments or callous acts, they still influence you as a couple. Even though the love is there, fall outs are inevitable between 2 people with different mindsets, who spend huge amounts of time together. What is important is to move on and get passed the problem, this is what strong couples do who don’t let disagreements and conflicts spoil a good relationship.
How to number 1: Don’t let it fester
This is the unhealthiest thing you and or your partner can do. If there is something bursting to get out, then release it. Letting a thought or emotion build up inside you can lead to a disagreement being blown out of proportion and risk damaging your relationship. Getting things off your chest is great for your well-being and can clear the air before things escalate.
How to number 2: That little word ‘sorry’
Yes, this is the key to drawing a line in the sand and applies equally to both parties. Admission of fault is a bold and unselfish act following an argument. It is a hard word to say as it portrays that you were at fault when you might not want to admit it. It is also important that the apology is genuine and not just a way to move on. A heartfelt apology accompanied with a gesture makes all the difference. The trick to this is knowing how to apologise. Sorry with an explanation may be suffice for your partner. Alternatively, a physical gesture may be the way to show that your words mean something more than a throw away remark.
How to number 3: Take some time
In the heat of the moment when adrenaline is rushing around your body like a crazy tidal wave, it is easy to overreact and cause real hurt and pain. This could be a time out from the argument to collect your thoughts and assess the situation away from the conflict. This is not to be mistaken with simply walking away from an argument. State that you think this is needed to reach a suitable conclusion.
It is also important to take some time after the disagreement to collect your thoughts and to calm down. Doing this will mean you can make more sensible and thought-out responses rather than responding in the heat of the moment. A wrong look or word when you are both in a heightened state can lead to huge problems escalating very quickly.
How to number 4: Listen
You have more ears than mouths! Listen to your partner without interrupting to fully understand what they are unhappy about. It is highly likely that they have a completely different outlook on a situation to you but is vital that you keep quiet and listen. Listen to their concerns and start to reflect on these, again without speaking. This does need to be a two-way deal so once someone has had their say, it is important for the other side to speak too. This is not a chance to start another argument! A great listener will also be able to detect when a falling out is becoming personal and can then action How to number 3. Name calling and petty point scoring are all signs that an argument is becoming unhealthy.
How to number 5: Channel your inner Sherlock!
Yes, you might need to be a detective. Reflect on your arguments and see if there is a pattern. Do you both argue at a certain time of day or day of the week? Do you argue about the same kind of things all the time? It could be something as simple as you are both at your most volatile first thing in the morning. If this is the case, change your morning routine. Whatever the pattern you spot, it is important to act upon it together and hopefully eliminate a disagreement before it even happens.
Emily Henry is a new writer at OX Essays, although she has a wealth of experience writing for State Of Writing. When she isn’t walking her dogs, she focuses her writing on the topic of relationships and friendships.