Pragma Love | Love That Endures
Everlasting Love | Enduring Love
Pragma is also known as Pragmatic love or Enduring Love. This is the kind of love that values practical aspects of a relationship as the most important and driving force.This can mean that the pragmatic lover weighs up what they consider to be important traits for their relationship and their partner, and bases their view of whether love is desirable or not on whether there are sufficient reasons for it to be useful and valuable to them.
It is as far from the notion of impulsive, romantic love as it is possible to be, but at the same time it can have some value. For example, we all know that the kind of deeply unwise love affairs that begin as impulsive and chaotic can often lead to heartbreak and may prove to have no future, as powerful as they may be at the time. With pragma, the thinking and the feelings behind it is formation are that this is a love that can last, and survive beyond any first flush of romance.
The pragmatic lover will often have a very clear idea of the kind of person they would like to have as a partner. Their idea of what their partner should be can be precise down to very exact physical features, character traits, lifestyle and outlook. The reasons the pragmatic lover has chosen these qualities for their ideal partner are being they are the qualities the pragmatic lover believes will create the very best possible relationship.
This also means the pragmatic lover is very unlikely to stray from their ideal idea of a lover to engage in casual romantic encounters, as they see no need or value in these kinds of relationships which have no future.
Being this kind of lover can be helpful in many ways, because the qualities the pragmatic lover has chosen for their ideal partner are based on genuine belief in what can sustain a long-lasting relationship for them. When they meet the right person, they do not need to waste any time wondering whether it can work, because they already have a very definite idea that it can, so doubts are less present in a pragmatic lover’s mind.
However, there are downsides to this kind of love, for the pragmatic lover thinks of themselves and also for their partner. These downsides for the partner come in the form of expectation that they will live up to a certain pre-defined role in their pragmatic lover’s mind. This can be disconcerting and may be even become painful if the partner of a pragmatic lover feels misunderstood, stifled or as though they are a disappointment to their partner as the two get to know each other better.
By its very nature, love and relationships offer deeper and deeper insight into each other’s personalities over time, and it may be that a first impression or first few months of a relationship reveal a very different person to the person underneath, as the two people become more comfortable with each other and see more and more aspects of each other’s personalities, moods and lifestyles.
The pragmatic lover, in turn, may feel intense disappointment or even something like betrayal if they find that their partner is not exactly as they had expected or imagined them to be in any important way. This can lead to problems early on in the relationship in which nobody is at fault.
Pragmatic lovers love to feel useful to their partner, and vice versa, and it is this feeling of everything moving towards a practical and useful end that fills them with satisfaction. This they see as being the way a functional relationship should be. The upside of thinking this way is that, when their relationships do work, they are indeed lifelong and wonderfully fulfilling ones, which the daily mundanities of life together do not deteriorate but rather strengthen.
Pragmatic love may be described as convenient, and the kind of relationship in which everything must instantly slot into place, with little need for adjusting to accommodate each other’s needs and foibles.
This is a high expectation to place on any new relationship, because for the most part this is something that – although it may appear on the surface is happening by useful convenience in a new relationship – is actually only two people making great allowances for each other in the deep wish that they find themselves to be perfectly compatible. In most cases this is a temporary honeymoon phase during which both partners are more flexible and accommodating than they will be at later stages in the relationship, as differences arise.
The pragmatic lover’s choice of partner is based on the traits that they value and desire in their ideal mate, and those which they feel are compatible with their own. They have a deep need to seek a sense of value from their relationships, and to feel that they can function perfectly with their partner for some sense of common good or future ambition.
Seeing beyond the initial stages of the relationship in a practical way can mean that relationships actually overcome many obstacles that would destroy a different kind of relationship with a different kind of lover, as the pragmatic lover keeps the end goal in sight at all times and is less likely to become put off by what they see as a minor problem on the way.
Of course this also means that the goal being worked towards must be shared between the two people in the relationship, otherwise there can be miscommunication and misunderstandings between the two that can lead to confusion. When those goals are shared, however, there is very little that can tear these kinds of relationships apart, and they can be the most fulfilling and long-lasting relationships of all.
One other potential problem, however, is that in these kinds of relationships – if great care is not taken – the end goal may become more important than the relationship or the individuals in it, to the extent that the relationship itself becomes more of a working partnership rather than a romantic connection. And what happens if that end goal is reached?
In cases such as these, there may be a sense of trade or entitlement, whereby both partners are working with or for each other at any given time, in a sense of constant exchange of duties. This kind of thinking can lead to resentment and the feeling of being taken advantage of, or of one person working for the wants and needs of the other in an unequal partnership.
The result can be that one partner feels the other is a burden in some way, and this can build up over time to become a toxic relationship that is damaging to both people in it. Things such as housework, wages, taking care of children and other family members, household expenditure and other practical elements of a successful relationship can become the only elements of a relationship with a pragmatic lover that are considered, leading to a neglect of the romantic understanding between the two.
However, this kind of practical consideration and shared duty to the relationship and associated factors does not have to be a bad thing by any means. In cultures where arranged marriage is the norm, such considerations form a large part of the decision to settle on a particular partner, with the long term goal of a harmonious and functional household and family environment taking a primary role in the proceedings.
This is also helpful for large communities where networks of families are required to cooperate in order for the wider benefit of the community as a whole. Such considerations as a partner’s income, background, beliefs, skills, ambitions, temperament and family goals are entirely relevant to choosing a partner to form the most functional of all possible relationships that will continue to be functional for the foreseeable future. Although this may seem lacking in romance, it can outlive more romantic relationships and far surpass them when it comes to peace and
There are several excellent examples of pragmatic love in popular culture, and perhaps the best of these is demonstrated in the Jane Austen novel Sense and Sensibility. One of the central characters, Marianne, is initially swept away with romantic feelings towards the charismatic Will ought by, taking into consideration none of the more practical aspects of their courtship. Marianne is portrayed as having more sensibility’ (which can be called Mania) than sense, unlike her more controlled sister Elinor who is the sense’ in the dynamic.
This is to Marianne’s detriment when she fails to look into his background or examine his motives and intentions towards her, resulting in her near ruin in the eyes of society. When Marianne assumes his romantic gestures are all she needs to consider, she finds herself made a fool of, having assumed that a proposal would be forthcoming, and puts her reputation on the line by behaving as though they are already engaged. This leads to a chaotic and exciting whirlwind romance and a devastating letdown, before a broken-hearted Marianne learns her lesson.
Marianne’s style of love then becomes pragmatic as a result of this trauma, and she weighs up the benefits of alternative suitor Colonel Brandon. With the approach of a pragmatic, Marianne notes evidence that the Colonel can provide stability and security, that he has demonstrated the reliability of his love for her, and that she would have a more peaceful and long-lasting union with him than she had with Willoughby.
From this example we can see that the pragmatic style of love is held up as an example to follow, and that it can be more rewarding and in many cases more fulfilling than some of the alternative styles of love.
In more modern terms, the pragmatic type of love is appealed to when it comes to things such as dating apps and websites. It is not possible to practically portray the contents of one’s character via the profiles associated with these sites and apps, and so each potential mate has their qualities distilled into data. This can include things such as their age, height, eye and hair colour, location, profession and interests. From this information, potential partners can be viewed and sorted, and ranked according to desirability.
For the pragmatic, this kind of dating is ideal, because they have a very clear idea of what they want and can often begin by seeking out these very practical aspects of a lover’s lifestyle and appearance.
This means that they can then choose from a much smaller pool of potential partners, and can try to find the one they feel best matches what they’re looking for. One problem for the pragmatic, of course, is that these dating apps and sites can sometimes present false information, so all they can really be sure of is how a potential partner presents themselves.
Other kinds of lovers with different styles can find this type of dating very difficult to navigate and can feel uncomfortable trying to judge potential partners based on such practical details, so the pragmatic has an advantage in the modern dating landscape.
Where pragmatics may struggle is in being too rigid with their expectations. Not only can this affect any relationships they are in, but it can also narrow their focus to the extent that they may miss out on excellent potential partners due to being too restrictive with what they want. Their love style also assumes that they know themselves well enough to know what kind of person they will be ultimately compatible with, but in truth many of us simply do not know ourselves as well as we think we do. In such cases, the pragmatic lover may make assumptions about their own character that are different from reality, and choose a partner based on this starting point.
For the pragmatic lover who truly knows and is at peace with themselves, however, there is a great deal of happiness and contentment to be enjoyed in a relationship once they find the partner they are looking for. A relationship with a pragmatic can, therefore, be one of the best relationships of them all.