Ludus Love – Playful, Uncommitted Love
What is Ludus Love? The Greeks, oh what an interesting civilisation. They have given us great advancements in science, math, literature, language and politics. According to linguists, they had over 30 words for explaining love and its different versions. Canadian psychologist John Lee’s book “The Colors of Love” categorizes six words describing love, assigning each a colour. In this article we will make deep emphasis on Ludus, also known as playful, uncommited love.
Ludus Love, labeled blue in Lee’s colour wheel, reflects playful affection, seen as a game by those involved. They boast about multiple conquests, finding it hard to commit, relishing the game and excitement of new partners.
Lee suggests Ludus can evolve into Mania, marked by addictive tendencies, or Pragma, where compatibility dictates partner choice.
Ludus lovers prioritize fun, enjoying activities with partners, playing pranks, and seeking attention indoors and outdoors.
Ludus lovers are fond of playful flirting and, as said above, need attention. A common way to practice Ludus is going to bar and flirting and dancing with strangers. As this will rarely lead to a meaningful relationship, especially if you are not looking for one. People who engage in Ludus find themselves always trying to outwit their partner and can be narcissistic liars, since they love nothing more than playing around with the other person’s feelings. They seldom get attached, but they carefully observe if their partner becomes emotionally invested for validation and accomplishment.
And number 2, if they notice that their partner is getting emotionally attached, they can use this to their advantage, and thus ensure that they will not be the ones getting hurt. Those who experience Ludus love often engage in lying and deception to maintain control, despite being habitual cheaters themselves.
While it may seem like Ludus lovers are inconsiderate, it’s because narcissism is like that. It makes a person feel superior when they get away with whatever they are trying. But if someone outsmarts them, they will feel the hurt more deeply than they typically inflict on others. This makes Ludus seekers very prone to mixing their love with mania.
Once they have mixed these two up, it will drive them crazy. A Ludus lover intensifies efforts upon learning their partner seeks another. Ludus lovers approach relationships cautiously, fearing their own mistakes could trigger obsessive behavior like stalking to prevent abandonment.
Ludus types aren’t jealous; if someone pursues their partner, they relish the sense of winning.
Ludus people are, in the bottom of their heart, seeking the thrill of a new relationship. They have diverse physical preferences and aren’t picky when choosing new partners for their game. Ludus lovers seek excitement in new relationships. If they become bored, they seek amusement elsewhere. This is what makes it especially hard for people to enjoy Ludus to be able to start a committed, long-term relationship.
Like sports, part of the excitement comes from the challenge, Ludus seekers are no exception. They continually play the field to prove their ability to conquer anyone they desire. This is why you can also relate Ludus with Eros, another type of love that is associated with passion. For them, everything is about flirting and gallantry, the more people they can do it with, the better.
Since Luduspeople will go out with many people during their sexual peak, it is very likely that they will acquire a lot of knowledge about themselves and what they want. So, every time they are going out with someone new, they will be able to notice what they like and what they don’t. Meeting all these people will also build them a huge network of acquaintances and friends. After Ludus, they tend toward lasting relationships (Pragma), often with those they once dated casually for fun.
Someone embracing Ludus typically exhibits recognizable traits, often appearing very guarded. Rarely sharing deeply, Ludus lovers avoid commitment and prefer novelty, always seeking new experiences and relationships.
Dating a Ludus type? Remember, you’re replaceable. Just enjoy the ride. Live in the moment and enjoy their company, as expecting them to change for you is a mistake. Ludus lovers avoid expectations; they flow freely. Feeling pressured, they swiftly move on to new relationships. Ludus types rarely find themselves crying over a relationship that is no more. “Nothing serious” is their motto.
According to John Lee (1973), a phrase that describes Ludus lovers is “when he’s not near the girl he loves, he loves the girl he’s near”. While he word “love” is not exactly what we normally associate with “romantic love” it could not be more fitting. Ludus lovers often cheat in relationships, feeling multiple partners won’t affect their love for one person.
Many consider this thought absurd, using it to justify infidelity, but it’s not always the case. It can happen that 2 Ludus lovers meet and form a deep bond, in which they recognize their love for each other and want nothing more than their company and well-being.
But at the same time, they recognise that part of their nature is to want the thrill of new relationships, which can lead to them playing around with other people but knowing their love is reserved for that special one. They can live like this all their lives, or until they get it out their system and realise all they need is the comfort and strength of a well-founded relationship.
The opposite is also true, Ludus love can be associated with unhappiness in relationships. While the once who values Ludus over other types of love will want to be out having fun with other people, his or her counterpart will be saddened by the thought “I am not enough”. This makes them both unhappy, because in fact the Ludus lover does care for his partner very much and knows that their behaviour will cause them unhappiness, and while they wish to not be the reason someone they care for is suffering, they will feel trapped by this person.
This is one of the main reasons Ludus seekers pull out of relationships as soon as they are starting to form, they live for fun not for pain and suffering.
It takes very mature people to be able to sustain a relationship when one them, or both engaged in Ludus, being able to separate the past flings with the real partnership they are currently enjoying. They might think if the other knew their history with others, they might want to leave them. Ludus lovers must understand that this isn’t their problem, and there’s nothing wrong with dating many people before finding the right one. And their partner has to understand that they are with them because they want to and not because they are forcing themselves to stick around.
Another trait for Ludus lovers, and perhaps that which identifies them, the grass is always greener. The fear of missing out is what spooks the life out of them. The more people they are with, the less they are missing out. Seems understandable right? Not necessarily! If you can identify yourself with Ludus lover stereotype you must also know that you are not always missing out, and you could be trading a beautiful person/relationship for another that could not be worth your while. Nature does not define you, ergo if you can tell that you won’t find another person that will be as good as the one you’re seeing now, don’t let them go.
Now, it also involves a lot of introspection. Evaluate if staying in a relationship serves the right reasons. Matured? Ready to commit? You’re moving towards a Pragma relationship.
Despite societal judgment, you’re responsible for your actions. Embrace Ludus in relationships, but strive for honesty to avoid hurting others.
Ultimately, we conclude that Ludus characterises immature individuals, hence its association with young people. But it can blossom beautifully when handled correctly. It involves having fun and dating multiple people, sometimes simultaneously. Which we now know is just a consequence of our own issues. When dating a Ludus type, remember their traits and avoid pursuing what’s unattainable. If you’re Ludus, cherish your match.
Get out there, whether it’s for short-term fun or long-lasting friendship, and always remember to prioritize self-love.